Hazards of Bedsharing

G woke up, looked at me bleary-eyed, and proclaimed, "I'm not sleeping here again! It's all wet," with an air of disapproval. Too sleepy still to realize that she caused the problem and it wasn't just a defect of my bed.

I vacillate between wishing that she would find sleeping in my bed (even on nights when she doesn't have a pee accident in the bed) to be undesirable....and enjoying the fleeting years of closeness that make her love me so completely that she wants to be with me day and night.

My sympathy for her and her sisters - who all want more nighttime parenting that anyone wants to give - comes from my memories of being alone and afraid at night when I was a kid. I remember the terror of a dark room, the processing of anxieties that poke at a person only in the quiet of night, and the stalling of bedtime to avoid the loneliness. So, who am I to argue that they should be shut into their own rooms alone all night?

I know that someday G will suffer through a nightmare at 4 a.m. without waking the whole family and crawling into my bed to help her feel safe. I know that someday she will probably quietly swallow her fears and maybe even lose sleep over things that worry or scare her. And I'll be sorry that she won't be able to find the complete solace that she now finds under my wing.

So, for now, I accept the musical beds, the pee accidents, the sleep disruptions, and the several small bodies cramming themselves into my bed. Because at least now I have the ability to make everyone feel safe at night.