How Do You Do It?

I get a mix of reaction when I tell folks that I homeschool my kids. Some are profoundly impressed. Others are surprised. Others curious.

There’s one I never expected. “How do you do it?” This isn’t the how do you do it that is truly curious how I go about accomplishing it. These people don’t want to know what lesson plans I follow or what my strategy for creating social networks for my kids are. These are the people who stop flat and ask the question dramatically, and without expecting a practical answer.

And I never know how to respond. Are they asking because they feel insecure? Do they really mean, “I don’t feel like I could do it, so it’s hard for me to understand how anyone else does”?

Should I feel criticized by the question? Are they implying that I don’t have what it takes? “How do YOU – you with the messy house and the scattered brain and the disheveled children – how do YOU do it?”

Maybe they are concerned for me. They wouldn’t find it fun, so they worry that I am toiling in the hell of full time parenting.

Perhaps I should feel concerned for them. Do they not know how to spend that much time with their kids? Do they lack a relationship that satisfies them? Not that I don’t want to flee from my children on occasion….well, sometimes several times a day. And not to imply that those who make different choices don’t have satisfying and robust relationships with their children. But, sometimes I wonder if people who look at me in horror about the time I get to spend with my kids…I wonder if they even think that having a close relationship with school-age children is important.

The fact remains that homeschooling is a choice like any other. I have chosen to have a meager income instead of a healthy one in return for spending almost all of my time with my kids. It is sort of a strange choice even to me when expressed that way. But I also choose to hire help with the housework rather than with the kids. I don’t know how to repair my own car or to play guitar. I am a terrible ice skater and I have never tried to sky dive. But that doesn’t mean that I think those who do are freaks. I think that the world is big enough for all of us.

So, how do I do it? There isn’t a how about it. As with all adventures in parenting, it’s a total immersion program. And I don’t really have a choice other than to persevere. I just do it.