Doubts

I find myself mired in doubt these days. Am I doing enough for my kids? Am I doing too much? Should I stand aside and let them educate themselves? Should I trust them more to handle their own intellectual development? Should I be more structured in my approach? Should we be studying Latin yet? Is yelling over a screaming baby a reasonable way to teach history? Should I give the screaming baby more personal attention? Would she scream less if I did? Do we do enough art? Enough reading? Enough math? Do we get enough exercise? Did I remember to feed the kids lunch? Am I interrupting someone’s FLOW? Do I get to have my own FLOW? Why isn’t homeschooling protecting us from all of the stuff I find annoying about kids?

Mostly it’s because I have at least two kids in difficult stages and I am trying to find my way to balancing everyone’s needs at the same time.

Yet, once in a while, I find something validating. And I cling to it like a security blanket.

Oldest D to middle G: “If you love it, you can marry it!”

I cringe. I guess that homeschooling doesn’t mean we get to avoid inane childhood jokes and teasing. I am considering an intervention to remind everyone about kindness to one another, when I hear the rest.

D: “Actually, if you hate it, you might have to marry it, too! You’ll be like Hermia and Demetrius.”

Okay, my six year-old knows a good bit of Shakespeare. And a little moment like this gives me the clarity that I need to focus on what we have achieved rather than what I might not have done.